I’ve been going through a particularly difficult rough patch lately. I am so honored that I have been able to give so much of myself to lots of different people over this past year, but there comes a time when you start digging from a dried up well. There’s literally nothing left to give. When I reach that point my temper begins to flare up, my annoyance over the little things really amps up. I start shutting down and pushing people out because I just can’t do it anymore.
Last year around this time we were getting ready to move into our new house and we were so excited. The possibilities seemed endless. God has definitely brought my hubby and I out of some pretty thick muck from our past. So this house was a breath of fresh air. We could breathe, we could be a family, we could do what God was calling us to do. But… there’s always a but… we have an enemy that doesn’t want us to continue our life for God and for his Kingdom. He wants us to stay stuck. To continue dragging our feet through the muck and mire of this world. To feel useless, worthless, forgotten. I have been forgetting the goodness of God and have been allowing the lies that my enemy wants me fear… to become my reality. I have been doubting my ability as a wife and a mom. Always thinking there is someone better out there for my family. Someone who won’t lose their cool over trivial things. Someone who could love my husband better than I ever could. I begin doubting my ability at work. I have never been a great swimmer so HOW ON EARTH am I supposed to teach little kiddos how to swim. Those are just two of the big examples I have been fighting. The lies that tell me I am not good enough. The lies that tell me someone is better suited for my life.
So, I reached out to my bestie, my doctor, my husband, and my counselor. And we have a plan. I tend to take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back… so this is going to be a long healing process. A long process of filling up my tank again. I have good moments, and I have moments where I wish my tongue could be chopped off. I say things out of fear and hurt those close to me. I did that today to my husband before he left for work, and I hate myself for it.
BUT part of the plan to get me back has to do with blogging again and taking pictures. I love photography and I have forgotten how much I really do enjoy it. So every day I have to take a photograph, and I would like to share them now…
Monday: A Guilty Pleasure
Who can pass up a good batch of GF Chocolate Chip Cookies?
This one was really challenging for me. I had to figure out how to get movement! Thankfully we have YouTube and I was able to figure it out. I think it turned out decent 🙂
These photographs were really fun. I was able to mess around with the camera and find cool angles for pictures.
Sometimes going to the park is the best place to get that raw emotion. I felt bad taking pics of J and K in a tough moment, but man those pics! I love them.
I am a touchy feely person. When I am either out at the store or anywhere really, I have the irresistible urge to feel things. So I loved that I got to take pictures of things that I found amazing.
I say that life is funny, because you really never know what is going to happen day to day. One day I can feel on top of the world, and then next day come crashing down. But I make it through life because of my constants:
- My faith in God.
- The unconditional love from my husband – even when I don’t deserve it.
3. The way my kids warm my heart even in the darkest of times.
4. My People – you know who you are.
Thank you for walking this CRAZY journey with me.